Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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