R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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