I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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