It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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