I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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