Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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