I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My vagina just recognized that song.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
