so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
