I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
