I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I currently don't understand fingers.
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