We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
are you so shy because you have an std?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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