some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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