In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
