I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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