you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
