quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
