you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
