someone threw a dead crab at me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize