So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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