I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
