Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
