You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
