i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
