eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
