So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
