I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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