I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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