I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
