I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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