He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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