I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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