"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
