i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
