Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
