I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
