thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
