I looked at my own cervix.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
