I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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