I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
