Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i now understand why vodka
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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