I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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