Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
