I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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