Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
