you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
