She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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