Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
