I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
