I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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