i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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