I'm drive I can fine osifer
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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