she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
