i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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