i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
