Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
