i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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