I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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