just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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