I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
