I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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