just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
