Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
