Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
