It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
