ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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