the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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