Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
