We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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