That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
