I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
