it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
