"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize